I've run into this and it somehow triggered something in me, only took a while what it is. Think, now I got this right - that's what's written above.
So I'm told I can come, but I can't come as myself... Is this no contradiction? 'Cause you can never get someone without himself. Without his flaws and characteristics. You can tell him so spare a few things when he's around 'cause you can't handle it very well or it annoys you. But you can't tell somebody "here in my space, you leave your self in the wardrobe! otherwise, out you go!" - that's just exactly like making him a tool to your needs.
I know some people have a hard manner, and they expand themselves massively in spaces of others without even asking for permission, they just do it like it's self-evident, and if you point them to it, they react like you do a crime on them.
But even though, if you already know who comes, you can calculate what happens if he visits your terriroty. Either you can live with the mannerism he has or you can't, and then you need to keep the door closed to him. That's just as it is.
That's also what reasonable adults do.
The other way, to pressure somebody with force to be or not to be a certain way, that's not much different to what openly narcissistic people do.