To me it seems like, even though you witnessed the demise of your own child under such conditions, you did not understand the nature of what bullying and systematic psychological destruction of a self does to a person mentally who endured it first hand. One time someone telling you you're dumb - okay, you can throw that over board and forget about it. 'Cause what does a one-time-saying matter factually? But, 10 times, 20 times, 100 times, and every time of these you get to hear it in a different life aspect, in situation different from the last one, plus a couple of repetitions of these two, then it unfolds its toxic effect. Because it tells a person "there's nothing you can do correctly to please me, the tirade on you will go on". And that while it's the natural goal of this person to make that stop because the brain treats it like a threat to its life (what it actually also is - a threat to one's mental and, sometimes even, physical integrity).
In my case I know this systematic runs deeper, that's why I react to it pretty sensitively if someone makes the factual or only a to-my-eye-superficially-seeming attempt to repeat that. This isn't an experience starting with the outside world, it's an experience leading a long way back to the nest I once sprung from - and therefore I instinctively can't take it that well. Time has made it that I can shrug off non-specific "you're dumb"-calling meanwhile, but not when something turns into another systematic tirade that aims for transmitting the same message over and over again. Like you pulled there, in my view. (If you did not regard it as this.)
Say, take it like when a child who suffered from bullying and systematic mental destruction never experienced resolving. The pattern forms into a permanent trigger - and whoever pulls this lever, he awakens all those past experiences again, activating the personal coping strategies of this "child", even if it grows up. (Of which "direct defense" is only one option to react to this.)
If you made it to recognize this still in time on your own child and support it at your best against that systematic destruction of its own personality and its view, then fine, you made it as a parent to live up to your task as one and to prevent the worst damage from happening, and you paved the way for possibly reverting some of those toxic effects.
My brain did not have this, so that's the way it's wired and I'm running around like. While having to learn how to deal with the consequences of this acting in the past and revert its effects troublesomely all on my own.
no subject
One time someone telling you you're dumb - okay, you can throw that over board and forget about it. 'Cause what does a one-time-saying matter factually?
But, 10 times, 20 times, 100 times, and every time of these you get to hear it in a different life aspect, in situation different from the last one, plus a couple of repetitions of these two, then it unfolds its toxic effect. Because it tells a person "there's nothing you can do correctly to please me, the tirade on you will go on". And that while it's the natural goal of this person to make that stop because the brain treats it like a threat to its life (what it actually also is - a threat to one's mental and, sometimes even, physical integrity).
In my case I know this systematic runs deeper, that's why I react to it pretty sensitively if someone makes the factual or only a to-my-eye-superficially-seeming attempt to repeat that. This isn't an experience starting with the outside world, it's an experience leading a long way back to the nest I once sprung from - and therefore I instinctively can't take it that well.
Time has made it that I can shrug off non-specific "you're dumb"-calling meanwhile, but not when something turns into another systematic tirade that aims for transmitting the same message over and over again. Like you pulled there, in my view. (If you did not regard it as this.)
Say, take it like when a child who suffered from bullying and systematic mental destruction never experienced resolving.
The pattern forms into a permanent trigger - and whoever pulls this lever, he awakens all those past experiences again, activating the personal coping strategies of this "child", even if it grows up. (Of which "direct defense" is only one option to react to this.)
If you made it to recognize this still in time on your own child and support it at your best against that systematic destruction of its own personality and its view, then fine, you made it as a parent to live up to your task as one and to prevent the worst damage from happening, and you paved the way for possibly reverting some of those toxic effects.
My brain did not have this, so that's the way it's wired and I'm running around like. While having to learn how to deal with the consequences of this acting in the past and revert its effects troublesomely all on my own.