matrixmann (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
matrixmann) wrote2017-08-09 09:19 am
matrixmann) wrote2017-08-09 09:19 am
Entry tags:
Homelessness
...The very feeling belonging nowhere, being caught between two chairs, knowing no place you can go to, always the same phrases again your ideas are not desired, you think the wrong way, look at things the wrong way, all of the rest of the world does his own thing without asking you for your opinion, presenting you with a fait accompli all too often, and simply there's nothing you can feel routed to, believe in and just take as it is?
And you think, that homelessness can be filled with a party, with an elite club, with money, with sex, with entertainment, with things you can own, with children you procreate, with people you save, with sacrifice you practice daily, with consuming all that your mouth can find, with hate, with calling your mother soil the greatest country in the world, with waving your hands for a pop star, with religion, with humility and doing all kinds of things people tell you to do?
Don't be a fool! The loss is never going to disappear, no matter what you try to fill that hole with!
You can eat a thousand drugs and pretend ten thousand tons of stuff to your mind, still that wound will remain and it'll continue to bleed endlessly! You feel it in your every cell of your body!
Nothing can cover or change the situation living in a world that constantly says "Fuck off!" to you and "Your survival is none of my business!", unless should you fuck destiny back!
There's no deliverance from it, no relief, and no outer entity can make it disappear!
All that you try to make you forget is just temporary stuff - one year it's one thing, the next it's the other and another measure in the third year, all your life long!
Once you've become, you'll always remain the loner, solitude, a wanderer; all that crap telling you it can revoke that, it's a lie!
Better get a grip on it and learn to endure it every day instead of running after ratcatcher after ratcather that doesn't really make you happy permanently!
Something else suitable: https://matrixmann.dreamwidth.org/17000.html
And you think, that homelessness can be filled with a party, with an elite club, with money, with sex, with entertainment, with things you can own, with children you procreate, with people you save, with sacrifice you practice daily, with consuming all that your mouth can find, with hate, with calling your mother soil the greatest country in the world, with waving your hands for a pop star, with religion, with humility and doing all kinds of things people tell you to do?
Don't be a fool! The loss is never going to disappear, no matter what you try to fill that hole with!
You can eat a thousand drugs and pretend ten thousand tons of stuff to your mind, still that wound will remain and it'll continue to bleed endlessly! You feel it in your every cell of your body!
Nothing can cover or change the situation living in a world that constantly says "Fuck off!" to you and "Your survival is none of my business!", unless should you fuck destiny back!
There's no deliverance from it, no relief, and no outer entity can make it disappear!
All that you try to make you forget is just temporary stuff - one year it's one thing, the next it's the other and another measure in the third year, all your life long!
Once you've become, you'll always remain the loner, solitude, a wanderer; all that crap telling you it can revoke that, it's a lie!
Better get a grip on it and learn to endure it every day instead of running after ratcatcher after ratcather that doesn't really make you happy permanently!
Something else suitable: https://matrixmann.dreamwidth.org/17000.html
no subject
no subject
I have the impression like most people these days are loners, they got no or not many roots where they come from and where they go, and in trying to erase that state, they end up at a lot of things, thinking they finally found some base, some foundation, that gives them some identity and some place to return to - that place that you call "home".
But in the end, it's more believe and make believe than really finding a home. It's getting abused for shit, clouding your mind with a lot of stuff to get you drunken - it's literally all an ecstasy in your head, but nothing really real (sounds strange, but I don't know a better word for it).
Still you got no home - you only think so because something makes you drunken. You flee into something to forget.
This can be excessive lifestyle, overacting patriotism, nationalism, a group, an elite club, it can be money or whatever the fuck enables you to forget uncomfortable realities.
It should just be clear - those who try to make you drunken, those who really have a way of causing that effect in you, those don't want you, they just want you as their soldier. They just want you as an advocate for their matter, and to agree with stuff you normally maybe wouldn't agree, but you do it because you don't disagree with family you've finally found...
But truth behind this is, and will remain, if someone tries to make you drunken, buy your voice with gifts, then he is no family, no matter what he gives you. You're still alone. When the bubble of ecstasy fades away - or when "the family" turns against you -, then it becomes obvious.
Should say here at the end, with "you" I don't mean you specifically, it's always only hard expressing the usage of "man" in German into English, which doesn't have this picking of words classically.
no subject
I mean I get this function of an individual as a little pawn in this system that can be thrown away when they are not needed but that' precisely how the system works, we are just victims of it and need to get out, I don't think it is productive to think that some mighty individuals are sitting and scheming against you because they are mean. No, it is just how it works and why feel bad about yourself, rather know better your enemy and find weaknesses and defeat it.
no subject
...not becoming part of something which I don't approve their rules of or which I see from the start, it's just dirty business what they do. You know, business that has to do with making you dumber than you are and agree with shit you personally don't agree with.
I'd be willing to be part of something which I'd feel it's got a connection to me, going deep enough, and it just signalizes me "come as you are, we don't want you a different way than this".
Haven't still found such place, owned it many years ago, but that was as I was younger.