I've run into this and it somehow triggered something in me, only took a while what it is. Think, now I got this right - that's what's written above. So I'm told I can come, but I can't come as myself... Is this no contradiction? 'Cause you can never get someone without himself. Without his flaws and characteristics. You can tell him so spare a few things when he's around 'cause you can't handle it very well or it annoys you. But you can't tell somebody "here in my space, you leave your self in the wardrobe! otherwise, out you go!" - that's just exactly like making him a tool to your needs. I know some people have a hard manner, and they expand themselves massively in spaces of others without even asking for permission, they just do it like it's self-evident, and if you point them to it, they react like you do a crime on them. But even though, if you already know who comes, you can calculate what happens if he visits your terriroty. Either you can live with the mannerism he has or you can't, and then you need to keep the door closed to him. That's just as it is. That's also what reasonable adults do. The other way, to pressure somebody with force to be or not to be a certain way, that's not much different to what openly narcissistic people do.
Oh, most people are narcissistic now and they expect that they can be hell knows what kind of freaks and it's ok, but you have to adjust to them and be like them.
That's the obvious version where this is the case. But you also get to the recognition that you found it in cases where the first impression doesn't make you suspicious. Or gives you the sign to rather turn away it's what it is what you think it is. Let's say, if you deal with the pathological side of narcissism for an amount of time, you get to learn that, one one hand, you have those which are oozed with it, where you don't have to think for long about your impressions 'cause the matter is obvious. But, on the other hand, you learn that there's also narcissism which is like "through the backdoor", which has a more low-noise kind to reveal itself. That's the kind, for example, when somebody does everything to you and he seems like he's got no hobby to do on his own, and when you're not thankful to him (in a way that he wants), he freaks out and accuses you of hating him while claiming that you love him and he creates a drama. The pattern in the end is the same, but it has a very different look on the outside that you don't recognize as narcissism if you don't know anything about it further. As I said, it's a matter or language that he uses that goes "through the backdoor". You only get to recognize it if you think in patterns.
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matrixmann
(no subject)
Date: 31 January 2017 11:44 am (UTC)So I'm told I can come, but I can't come as myself... Is this no contradiction? 'Cause you can never get someone without himself. Without his flaws and characteristics. You can tell him so spare a few things when he's around 'cause you can't handle it very well or it annoys you. But you can't tell somebody "here in my space, you leave your self in the wardrobe! otherwise, out you go!" - that's just exactly like making him a tool to your needs.
I know some people have a hard manner, and they expand themselves massively in spaces of others without even asking for permission, they just do it like it's self-evident, and if you point them to it, they react like you do a crime on them.
But even though, if you already know who comes, you can calculate what happens if he visits your terriroty. Either you can live with the mannerism he has or you can't, and then you need to keep the door closed to him. That's just as it is.
That's also what reasonable adults do.
The other way, to pressure somebody with force to be or not to be a certain way, that's not much different to what openly narcissistic people do.
(no subject)
Date: 31 January 2017 12:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 31 January 2017 03:53 pm (UTC)But you also get to the recognition that you found it in cases where the first impression doesn't make you suspicious. Or gives you the sign to rather turn away it's what it is what you think it is.
Let's say, if you deal with the pathological side of narcissism for an amount of time, you get to learn that, one one hand, you have those which are oozed with it, where you don't have to think for long about your impressions 'cause the matter is obvious.
But, on the other hand, you learn that there's also narcissism which is like "through the backdoor", which has a more low-noise kind to reveal itself. That's the kind, for example, when somebody does everything to you and he seems like he's got no hobby to do on his own, and when you're not thankful to him (in a way that he wants), he freaks out and accuses you of hating him while claiming that you love him and he creates a drama. The pattern in the end is the same, but it has a very different look on the outside that you don't recognize as narcissism if you don't know anything about it further.
As I said, it's a matter or language that he uses that goes "through the backdoor". You only get to recognize it if you think in patterns.